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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28715793">hold on to your heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxubar/pseuds/luxubar'>luxubar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, post-kh3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:36:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,130</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28715793</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxubar/pseuds/luxubar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Terra struggles to cope with his recompletion, and looks for answers in an unlikely place.</p>
<p>Post-KH3/RE:Mind, mostly introspection. Written for the Kingdom Heals zine.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Kingdom Heals</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>hold on to your heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Written for the Kingdom Heals zine, but I'd been wanting to tackle something like this for a while. I haven't written in ages but this was a fun way to try and shake off some of the dust lol. Pretty proud of it overall, but go easy on me if it's not perfect. Thanks for reading! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the weeks following the battle at the Keyblade Graveyard, Terra has become increasingly aware of the ache in his chest.</p>
<p>Immediately upon his heart returning to his body, he knew something felt off; <em>imperfect</em>, as if all the fragments of <em>him</em> were there, just glued together incorrectly. There wasn’t time to piece himself back together, though; they were fighting a losing battle and they needed him, <em>all</em> of him. Like always, he gave every piece of himself that he could.</p>
<p>They were granted a brief reprieve after the battle- barely long enough to return to the Land of Departure- before Aqua received the call from Yen Sid. In some ways, Terra was grateful for the call to action; being in the Land of Departure again for the first time since he and the Master clashed… it made his insides twist, and he wondered if he’d ever be able to return home without the guilt of his ten-year absence hanging over his head.</p>
<p>“There is much to be done,” Yen Sid had told them, though at the time he didn’t specify just how <em>much</em> work was going to be necessary moving forward. Terra preferred to keep himself busy- he spent much of his free time restless, trying to fight off the creeping anxiety in the pit of his stomach, so there was no reason to complain. While he still hadn’t been formally granted the title of Keyblade Master, there were plenty of new wielders that required training from someone at his skill level. Terra tensed at the thought- he didn’t consider himself much of a teacher, especially considering his history dealing with the Darkness. Yen Sid insisted, though, citing Terra’s strength and dedication- the underlying suggestion of “you don’t have a choice” was not subtle. So he agreed. But the tasks felt more arduous and physically draining than anything he’d faced during his years of Keyblade training. Despite his aching body, he continued- there were too many people he would let down if he gave up.</p>
<p>Terra convinced himself that he was grateful- and in many ways, he genuinely was. Much of his training is spent with Riku, with whom he felt an immediate bond. They were both a bit timid at first (it <em>had</em> been over ten years since they briefly met on the Destiny Islands), but Riku was quick to open up to Terra; in him, Terra sensed much the same pain that he himself had experienced. Riku’s stories give him a sense of hope that he thought he had lost. When it wasn’t Riku training, it was often Lea and Isa- and although Isa hadn’t yet called his own Keyblade, Terra felt an untapped strength within him. A light, buried beneath so much pain. Terra felt a camaraderie with him, but Isa kept mostly to himself during Lea’s training. He wasn’t ready to open up to other people yet- Terra wished he had the strength to tell him how well he understood that.</p>
<p>It is when his tasks are done for the day and night falls that things become truly difficult.</p>
<p>Often he finds himself chasing the company of people who don’t have extra time to give- he understands, of course, but he’s grown to hate being alone in his room when it’s time to retire for the evening. His body aches in ways it never did before; part of him wonders if it’s having physically aged, or if he’s still feeling the pain from having his body nearly torn in half when pushing out the remnants of Xehanort’s heart. Maybe it’s something else entirely- who was he to say? He sits in his room at night, staring at the ceiling, tracing the long jagged scar that travels from his chest to his navel. The longer he lies awake, the more his mind starts to race. Something is still wrong with him, but he doesn’t know what. It’s like there’s a knot in his chest and the more he pulls, the tighter the knot becomes, the more strands of him seem to get tangled. When he closes his eyes, Terra can see things that feel too real to be dreams, and that scares him. <em>What if</em>, he wonders… <em>Maybe my heart was too far gone and something is wrong. Maybe there is still darkness in me. Maybe… Xehanort… </em></p>
<p>Terra can’t bear the thought. He feels like he’s going insane- like he wants to rip his chest open and pull out whatever is doing this to him. Or put something back in. He doesn’t know, <em>I don’t know, who am I-- </em></p>
<p>On this particular night, Terra bolts straight upright, sweat dripping from his brow, breath caught in his throat- he hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but the exhaustion must have claimed him. Drawing several deep, shaking breaths, Terra swings his feet over the edge of the bed and pushes himself up. Barefoot and shirtless, he pads across the hall to the bathroom- he clicks on the light and leans over the sink, knuckles white as he grips the edge of the counter. This feeling had become more powerful, washing over him more frequently- this sinking sensation, as if he were tumbling out of his own skin and back into the abyss. Were it not for his heart hammering against his chest, he may have almost thought it was real.</p>
<p>Hesitantly, Terra looks up into the mirror in front of him; his dark skin looks pallid in this light, as if he’s a walking corpse. He looks so unlike himself now that it only makes him feel worse- or maybe he always looked like this. He grits his teeth, uncertainty creeping up his spine. For ten years he hadn’t even <em>seen</em> himself; only ever catching a reflection of a monstrous beast, inhuman and grotesque. <em>That</em> is who he knows. Terra sighs. He’d almost take that over this, now. For all of his fighting over the years, he certainly had become accustomed to his new form, finding a strange comfort in letting the pieces of himself slip away into the darkness.</p>
<p>Raising his arms, Terra presses the palms of his hands into his eyes until his vision goes red. Seconds turn into minutes- he lowers his hands, keeping his eyes shut as he counts the beats between breaths, willing his mind to relax. When he opens them again, he’s met by his reflection- taller and wider than he is, with glistening silver hair and piercing golden eyes.</p>
<p>“<em>Shit</em>-”</p>
<p>Jumping back, Terra trips over his feet and collides hard with the cold marble floor, his vision going dark.</p>
<p>In the blackness stands the figure from the mirror, out of focus. Terra blinks hard, trying to see the person more clearly, but all he feels are hot tears rolling down his cheeks. His breath hitches unevenly as he swallows a sob- without thinking, he reaches out to the figure. There is hesitancy in the other man’s movements, but he reaches out all the same; it feels as if they’re miles apart, though he can’t be more than a few feet away. Terra lurches suddenly, his body jerking forward as if some unknown force is pulling him by the shoulders. There’s no fighting it- there’s something inside of him, something drawing him forward, something speaking to him in a language he doesn’t understand.</p>
<p>All at once, realization dawns on him. <em>I know you</em>. Terra stretches his arm out further, inches away now, ignoring his tears and panicked breathing.</p>
<p>“Xemnas.” His own voice sounds so far away. The tips of their fingers touch.</p>
<p>Electricity shoots through Terra and he withdraws his hand sharply, crumpling under the weight of his body. Images flash in front of him- milky, half-formed memories that he can’t seem to decipher. But sometimes there are people, ones that he recognizes. A flash of blue and red. Ventus- no. The blonde boy is clad in a floor-length black jacket. Roxas. Terra draws an unsteady breath and holds it, trying to focus past the loud thrumming in his ears. There’s something here that he’s supposed to see, he can <em>feel</em> it- but it’s as if something is sitting on his chest, holding him down as water fills up around him. All at once, it’s up to his eyes, slipping into the corners of his mouth. Sputtering, Terra struggles against the weight, desperately trying to hold on to the images before him. Another memory, this one clearer than the rest; Sora and Riku, a blast of light- and then a surge of emotion so strong it makes Terra feel as if he’s on fire. It’s agonizing, like lava in the pit of his stomach. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tries to wail- but his mouth fills with water, and no sound escapes.</p>
<p>When Terra opens his eyes next, he’s staring at the bathroom ceiling. From beside him, he can hear Aqua calling for Ven.</p>
<hr/>
<p>The weeks following are tumultuous for the trio. While Terra appreciates Aqua and Ven’s concern for him, he just… doesn’t have the time or energy to process everything that’s happening, and insists that he’s fine. The more he insists, the more he believes himself; Aqua and Ven appear less convinced but opt not to push him too hard about it. He can’t help but wonder, distantly, if they’re afraid of pushing him back to the darkness. Instead, he buries himself back into work, taking on more than he’s equipped to handle and handling it anyway. That’s how he’s always coped and no one ever seemed to question it before.</p>
<p>Today is a rare day in which Terra doesn’t have anyone to train, so instead, he trains alone, outside the castle along the mountain path, trying to build the strength back up that he still hasn’t found.</p>
<p>He’s not sure how long he’s been out here, but the sun is already dipping behind the horizon, casting a coral hue across the mountainside. Terra wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand, flexing his fingers around Earthshaker’s handle. He takes an offensive stance- knees bent, left side forward- and in one swift motion, lunges forward and strikes one of the dangling gold pendants. The impact of metal on metal echoes out with a deafening clang, sending the rings spinning wildly; the blow simultaneously shoots through his hand, ringing all the way through his arm and pierces his shoulder. Wincing, Terra drops Earthshaker, clutching his arm with his free hand. He grits his teeth, willing the painful vibrations to stop. He hates this- it’s not <em>fair</em> that he’s been back for months now and still feels like a stranger in his own skin.</p>
<p>“Terra?”</p>
<p>Aqua’s voice surprises him, but he manages to keep his composure, releasing his arm in favor of retrieving his Keyblade from the grass. He can already see the concern in her eyes when she turns around- no need to worry her more than normal. There’s an immediate, palpable discomfort between the two. Something is wrong. Clenching his jaw, he dismisses Earthshaker and takes off towards her, pace brisk.</p>
<p>“Is everything alright?”</p>
<p>“Yeah! Of course, it’s just…” Aqua sighs, eyes trained on her hands. “I spoke with Master Yen Sid this morning. He, um… well, we had a discussion about our plans moving forward. I wanted to talk to you and Ven about it together.”</p>
<p>Terra doesn’t respond- simply swallows and nods firmly, following her as she leads them back toward the castle. He can tell she’s uneasy, and that doesn’t sit well with him.</p>
<p>They meet back inside the main hall, where Ven is perched on the steps in front of the Master’s thrones. He hops up as they approach, far more light-hearted than the two of them; despite everything he’s been through, his optimism remains unshaken. It’s a quality that Terra appreciates… and one he wishes he had himself.</p>
<p>“So,” Ven starts, turning on a slightly more serious demeanor, “What did you want to talk to us about, Aqua?”</p>
<p>Aqua smiles softly, sadly, and walks past Ven, running her hand along the gold armrest of the chair that she had woken Ven from just a few months prior. “It’s Sora-”</p>
<p>“<em>Sora</em>?” Both Terra and Ven exclaim at once. They’d been waiting for new, any news, since his disappearance. Aqua shakes her head and turns back to face them, hands raised to try and quell whatever excitement had started brewing.</p>
<p>“They haven’t had any luck yet, unfortunately. I was speaking with Master Yen Sid about it this morning, and we discussed ways that I- that <em>we</em>- could help more. I’ve… felt a little useless these last couple months. I mean, the training is good, it’s just-”</p>
<p>“We could do <em>more</em>,” Ven finishes, voice solemn. Aqua nods.</p>
<p>“So, I… came up with an idea, and the Master seemed to think it was the right course of action for us. It’s just-” She hesitates then, cupping her hands together the way she always does when she’s nervous. “We have to go to the Realm of Darkness.”</p>
<p>Silence falls between the three of them. It takes a long time for her words to sink in, and for a moment, Terra genuinely believes that he’s still asleep, or otherwise absent from the real world. Hearing her say that, knowing what she went through- what they <em>all</em> went through- sounds like something out of a nightmare. Terra swallows again, struggling to hide the panic settling in his bones.</p>
<p>“Aqua-- you--” Terra struggles, unsure of exactly what to say. Aqua sighs and smiles softly, placing a hand on his arm.</p>
<p>“It’s <em>okay</em>, Terra. I won’t be alone this time, and I’m not afraid. That’s why I suggested it. The others are looking everywhere and doing everything in their power to bring Sora back, but they haven’t looked in the Realm of Darkness yet. It’s vast and frightening, but… the three of us are more equipped to handle it than anyone else. I don’t want to put anyone else in danger.”</p>
<p>“But you’ll put <em>yourself</em> in danger? What if he’s not there?” Aqua frowns slightly at his question.</p>
<p>“We’ll be safe as long as we have each other. That’s how Mickey and Riku made it in and out while they were looking for me. Besides, I know the Realm of Darkness better than anyone. I know it's tricks. Even if Sora isn’t there… maybe we can find some clues about where he ended up.”</p>
<p>“What about your training? Don’t the others still need more time?” Ven chimes in. Terra opts to stare at the floor, trying to focus on their conversation past the blood rushing through his ears. His mind is going a million miles a minute, though, with questions, worries.</p>
<p>“Yes. But… Riku is a Keyblade Master too. And everyone else picks up on it so fast… if you approve, Terra, I really think we could leave Riku in charge. He knows what he’s doing.”</p>
<p>Aqua and Ven both look to Terra expectantly; it takes him a moment to swallow the fear spilling out of him and look back up. A beat and he nods. “I… right. Riku is… I don’t think there’s anything else I can teach him. He’s-” Terra’s mind flits back to the memories of seeing Riku fight. The boy had a natural ability that he’d never seen before. The Keyblade looked so right in his hands… Terra himself wouldn’t pick anyone else to take up the training. “He can handle it.”</p>
<p>So that was it- his approval of Riku was the confirmation that they would be going to the Realm of Darkness to look for Sora. The thought makes Terra’s stomach turn. Quietly, he dismisses himself and vanishes from the hall before Aqua or Ven gets a chance to question him. As he walks, the echo of his footsteps grows louder and louder until it’s all he can hear, shoes against marble, <em>a death march</em>.</p>
<p>Moments later, Terra bursts into the washroom; he closes the door hard behind him and leans against it, trying to catch his breath. This is not the first time in the last few months he’s felt this sinking sensation, as if the floor was trying to swallow him up- but it had never been this bad. Why was he so afraid? With Aqua and Ven by his side, was there really anything to fear? They could take on anything as long as they stuck together-- but then again, how well had that worked out last time? Inevitably they would each take their own path and then-</p>
<p>It’s not just that, though. There’s something else. Terra can feel it <em>pulling</em> at him as if some invisible force is yanking on a rope tied around his already fragmented heart. He can feel the pull towards the darkness, still ever lingering, <em>hungry</em>. A cold sweat erupts on his forehead and for a minute, he feels outside of himself. After everything he’s been through, that they’ve all been through, how could he still feel the pull towards darkness? Clenching his fists, Terra buckles, sliding against the door until he’s on the floor, knees pulled tightly to his chest. <em>I’ll never be free of this, will I? </em></p>
<p>Pressing his forehead to his knees, Terra tries to breathe. But in the darkness behind his eyes, he sees red, and he can feel it again- that fire, burning in his very core. This time, though, it doesn’t hurt. It soothes him. Warmth washes over him and quells his fear, if just slightly- but it provides him with a brief moment of clarity. The pull towards the darkness he feels… it’s not the same as it was ten years ago. It is <em>starving</em>, that much is certain, but there is something else there… something that Terra can not place. Drawing a long breath, he lifts his head, blinking away the blurriness behind his eyes.</p>
<p>He’s always been looking for answers- for once, Terra thinks he knows where to find one.</p>
<hr/>
<p>When the day finally comes, Terra feels less anxious than before. Partially due to his confidence in effectively leaving Riku in charge, but greatly due to the heat brewing in his chest. The ache that was once there is searing now, but not unpleasantly, and his draw to the darkness feels far less intimidating than it did the week prior. Everything inside of him feels different- puzzle pieces aligning, slowly. But the more things start to fall into place, the more he realizes that there is more than before. He’d been so afraid of losing pieces of himself to the darkness that he hadn’t considered the possibility that something had instead been left behind when Xehanort’s heart was removed.</p>
<p>A connection.</p>
<p>The draw to the darkness feels stronger today than it has since his heart returned to his body, but he’s not scared. He needs to know what it is that’s drawing him in, and the only way to find out is to trace the connection.</p>
<p>Aqua and Ven enter first- Terra spares one glance over his shoulder at Riku, taking him and the castle in. Just in case. With a sigh, he pushes down his anxiety and steps forward into the darkness.</p>
<p>Cold air rushes around him, slipping into the cracks in his armor, as he drops to the dirt path just behind Aqua and Ven. She reaches out to him, touching his arm as he steadies himself, and then nods.</p>
<p>“We should stick together,” she says, voice slightly muffled by her helmet. Ven and Terra both nod in agreement, but let her lead the way. Now that they’re here, Terra can hear his heart beating hard in his chest, echoing through his armor. Following Aqua is more difficult than he anticipated- he feels drawn in directions she’s not going, curious of paths she’s not taking. His mind knows better; the pull is coming from deep within his heart, though. Sometimes, he almost thinks he can hear someone speaking to him, urging him forward. It reminds him of the dream he had, almost as if he was floating, looking for something he couldn’t find. Part of him wants to shake himself awake; as if he could wake up in his own bed, safe within the confines of the castle. But he knows better, so he continues to follow Aqua- albeit with a hand gripped tightly around the hilt of his Keyblade.</p>
<p>Minutes turn into hours. There are so many long, silent stretches of space… Terra finds himself spending much of the time walking thinking about how maddening this must have been for Aqua. Ten years of so much vast nothingness. He always knew she had a strong heart, but he can’t imagine how much will it would take to keep going in a place like this.</p>
<p>As they cross on to a narrow passageway, surrounded only by the emptiness, something <em>grumbles</em> from deep beneath them. Aqua halts abruptly, holding a hand up. <em>Silence</em>.</p>
<p>All at once, the ground seems to break apart beneath them- Aqua yells something, but Terra is distracted by the sudden tremor and doesn’t catch it. She and Ven both leap forward, to more solid ground, but Terra is still several paces behind them. Beneath him, the dirt path gives away and he stumbles backward- before any of them have the chance to react, Terra is swallowed by the ground, slipping down into the bottomless void. Desperately he tries to grab for something, or catch Earthshaker on something, but he simply spins himself, tumbling helplessly alongside broken pieces of earth. Terra clutches the Keyblade to his chest and squeezes his eyes shut- not yet. <em>Not again. </em></p>
<p><strong>Thud</strong>.</p>
<p>Terra lands heavily on his back, hard enough that it knocks the wind right out of his lungs. He sits upright straight away though, trying to catch his breath. Coughing, he discards Earthshaker into the sand and rips the helmet from his head, sweat-matted hair falling across his face. Blinking black spots out of his eyes, he looks around- this place is familiar to him, but only distantly. The ocean, pitch black, with waves washing peacefully along a dark, sandy beach. On the horizon, a bright white moon- at least it looks like the moon, fully round and glowing alabaster against the navy sky. Clenching his jaw, Terra pushes his helmet down into the sand beside him.</p>
<p>He stands then, slowly approaching the water's edge. It’s surprisingly serene, and even though he knows this is still very much the Realm of Darkness, he can admit that there is a comfort here. Dropping on to one knee, Terra reaches out and lets the water run over his gloved fingers. Even through the fabric, the water feels like ice. It sends a chill down his spine- despite everything, there is still darkness here, deep beneath the surface.</p>
<p>“Enticing, is it not?”</p>
<p>A sonorous voice comes from behind him, but Terra isn’t alarmed by it. For a moment, he doesn’t even register it. He hadn’t noticed the presence of another here with him; even now, as he turns around to observe the dark, cloaked figure, it still feels as if he’s alone. The man’s face is hooded, shadowed in darkness. Pushing himself up, Terra frowns- it was foolish of him to leave his Keyblade unattended, now blocked by the mysterious figure.</p>
<p>“Who are you?” He asks, softer than he normally would. The man stands with his hands behind his back. No indication he plans to attack, no weapon in sight. Terra eyes Earthshaker but opts to stay still, just in case. Aqua had warned him about the tricks the Realm of Darkness would try to play, and he couldn’t be sure that this wasn’t one of them.</p>
<p>The figure doesn’t respond to him- simply turns away and leans down to pick up Terra’s helmet from the sand. He holds it with both hands, as if it could break if he wasn’t careful, and runs a gloved thumb along the glistening metal.</p>
<p>“<em>Hey</em>! I asked you a question,” Terra presses. The figure seems to look back at him, just for a moment, before setting the helmet down.</p>
<p>“You already know the answer, don’t you?” He asks, voice calm. “Look inside of yourself. It is what brought you here.”</p>
<p>Terra hesitates, touching his fingers to his chest. A heat rises from his stomach all the way up his throat. In the back of his mind, he recalls something, but he can’t place what it is. It’s like an empty memory- a blank piece of paper washed up on the shore of his mind.</p>
<p>“Trace the connection.” Terra inhales sharply, surprised when the words fall out of his mouth, like someone else had spoken them for him. He looks up at the figure again, taking a step forward. “You’re… <em>Xemnas</em>.”</p>
<p>The man chuckles softly- a warm, melodic noise that puts Terra at ease. In a fluid motion, he faces him and draws the hood back, revealing the long, silver hair and piercing golden eyes. Even here, outside of his dreams, Xemnas feels ethereal. Like before, Terra feels like he needs to reach out and touch him, to confirm he’s really here. But there is hesitancy from both of them, so he stays put. He can’t risk cutting this conversation short, not again. Not when it feels like that painful, fiery wave is creeping up on him again.</p>
<p>Xemnas looks beyond Terra, at the horizon, and sighs. “It simply does not compare to Kingdom Hearts.”</p>
<p>Surprised, Terra glances over his shoulder, at the bright glowing orb that illuminates the darkness around them. Terra does suppose he feels a certain… <em>melancholy</em>, looking at it now. Clenching his jaw, he faces Xemnas once more.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here? Weren’t you…”</p>
<p>“<em>Destroyed</em>?” Xemnas hums thoughtfully, taking a few steps closer to Terra. “I suppose I was. Although it would seem the act was less… permanent than originally assumed. Before I faded, I recall feeling a surge of emotion… from where, I can not be certain. But clearly, there was something inside of me, bore from the catalyst that created me.”</p>
<p>“The catalyst- what do you mean?”</p>
<p>“<em>You</em>, Terra. And Xehanort, when I formed as a Nobody,” Xemnas says, clasping his hand together thoughtfully. “When I first awoke, I could recall very little from my previous life, unlike my associates- the other members of the organization. Over time, some things returned to me; fragments of memories, largely. As I remembered my former self, formed my own goals… it occurred to me that many of my memories were… unfamiliar. As if I could only witness them through fog. Now I know… it was you, wasn’t it?”</p>
<p>He looks up at Terra, something genuine glittering behind his eyes. Terra purses his lips, still holding his hand against his chest. His time after being possessed by Xehanort was long and complicated- there was still so much he couldn’t remember, couldn’t understand, and still so much pain to try and sort through. He does remember, though, vaguely… his heart, his mind, his will, all strong enough for him to fight against Xehanort. Terra knew he had been pulled apart once. It had been difficult to fight back after that. The pieces of himself had been so scattered that he found comfort in letting himself become part of the Guardian. He swallows thickly- he still barely understood how the Nobodies came to be, let alone how it was possible that the lingering threads of <em>his</em> heart had impacted that process.</p>
<p>“We’re connected,” Terra says simply, clutching his fist against his chest. “That’s how I knew I had something to look for here. This pain I feel… it belongs to you.”</p>
<p>“It belongs to both of us,” Xemnas corrects. “We are very much the same, Terra. Endlessly proud, driven to achieve our goals… and prone to pushing those closest to us away. To be so torturously alone… it hardly seems fair in such a vast universe.”</p>
<p>Terra feels a surge of anger, as if he wants to argue with Xemnas, to tell him they aren’t the same, but-- he’s <em>right</em>, isn’t he? Even now that his heart has been returned to him, Terra finds it difficult to seek out solace with the very people he was fighting so hard to return to. The loneliness and pain he felt belonged just as much to himself as it did to the Nobody, and blaming Xemnas for his pain would accomplish nothing. He was in pain <em>long</em> before Xehanort’s possession. Perhaps it was just Xemnas’ understanding of it that made it so clear to him now. Xemnas draws a breath and steps forward again, closing the space in between them. Apprehensively, he reaches out, gloved fingers just barely touching Terra’s armored shoulder. Once more, the electricity he felt from his hallucination surges through him. <em>The connection- </em></p>
<p>Terra takes a quick step back, alarmed, but not afraid.</p>
<p>“Are you… <em>real</em>?” Terra asks, uncertain. Xemnas’ expression tightens.</p>
<p>“Truthfully? I am… uncertain. I feel real, but I do not think I am truly present here. I believe I am bound to the waking realm through you, one way or another. As for <em>why</em>…” He trails off, eyes glazed over.</p>
<p>Frowning, Terra furrows his brow in thought- there are so many people he doesn’t understand, people who exist in part <em>because</em> of him. A sense of obligation swells inside of him- but there’s something else, too. The connection. Xemnas… he has a heart of his own, this Terra <em>knows</em>. He can feel the warmth of light inside the former Nobody. Terra can not leave him to the darkness, not when he has a heart worth salvaging.</p>
<p>In the distance, he hears voices. Terra turns abruptly, searching for the source.</p>
<p>“Your friends are looking for you,” Xemnas chirps, a small smile on his face. Turning back to him, Terra frowns.</p>
<p>“I won’t leave you here.”</p>
<p>“There is no place for me among the light.”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe that,” Terra responds without hesitation, grabbing Xemnas by the arm. The man blinks, shocked, but doesn’t respond. There’s something in his face that Terra can’t read, but he understands. “I thought I didn’t belong either… but there is a place for us. We just- we have to find it. We can find it together. I won’t leave you-”</p>
<p>“Terra. Go to them. They need <em>you</em>.”</p>
<p>Terra swallows thickly, releasing Xemnas from his grasp. After a long moment, he looks away again. He can hear Aqua clearly now- she and Ven can’t be far. “I’ll come back for y-”</p>
<p>When he turns back, though, Xemnas is gone. In seconds, Aqua and Ven clear a nearby ledge, shouting out to him. Terra lingers, eyes on the spot where his connection last stood. Clenching his jaw, he makes a promise to himself.</p>
<p>
  <em>I <strong>will</strong> be back for you.</em>
</p>
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